Post by TFP on Mar 13, 2008 13:51:18 GMT -4
Chris and Johnny walk into a bar... no, this isn't a joke. Tougher seemed to be depressed over the past few days and Johnny thinks he knows how to make him happy again: get him drunk. But Chris wants to do more than get wasted and go home hammered. He doesn't want to wake up late at noon with a bad headache that has it's dick in the ass of a hangover, no, he wants to go home as a sober human being and wake up in the morning knowing that he had the best time of his life the night before. Why? Because he's straight-edge. No, I'm just shitting you, he wants to totally get laid but he hasn't really had any chances toget with a woman in ages.
As the two sit on the bar stools, Johnny calls for two beers and the bartender gets right on it, walking to the refrigerator and pulling out two beers, setting them before both Tougher and Fame. Chris grabs his beer and takes the cap off, setting it down on the counter. He spins his stool around and glances around, looking for some hot chicks. Johnny turns his stool around, too. Taking a sip of his beer, Chris eyes one woman in the back corner of the bar. He seems a little bit interested in her, but he probably wouldn't stand a chance. Johnny sees Chris watching her, so he breaks the silence.
"Go on, give it a shot man."
"Should I? There's no way she can be single, though."
"This is a singles bar, Chris... you wouldn't be in here unless you're single."
"Hmmm... I suppose. Look at the rack on her."
"Your not interested in the rack, are you?"
"Actually, yes... I am interested in the rack, that's what caught my attention. I didn't turn this bar-stool around, no... the gravitational pull of those titties spun me around like a paperclip when it draws too close to a magnet. Johnny, I think that I'm in love with them."
"I guess that's cool, then. Go and introduce yourself."
"I'm going to wait on that, Johnny. You know, prepare myself for the talking... I need to think of something interesting to say when I walk over to her, not just say Hey, I'm Chris Tougher... you have big boobs and I like them, lady; want to go out with me?' That's not going to work... at all, 'cause I've tried that once before and let me tell you... they almost tried to deprive me of air from that comment."
"How so?"
"Since they knew I was attatched to them, they said that they'd let me get a close view of them when they're out from their wraps. It sounded like a good idea at first, but when it was the no-pants-dance the woman almost smothered me to death between her boobs! It was crazy, I had to get hooked up to a respirator for a week and pumped with oxygen since there was a lack of it getting to my brain."
"Sounds shitty, but what a way to go, eh?"
"Oh yeah, God would have taken me from Heaven and put me in his version of Heaven where nudity is covered in small tree leaves."
Chris Tougher takes another sip of his beer, but he rinses the inside of his mouth with it. Stupid idea since he'll smell like a total drunk, but he doesn't seem to care. He sets the bottle down on the counter and cracks his knuckles. With arrogrance and conceit, Tougher pompously struts over to the other side of the bar without Johnny and he stands beside the woman. She looks up at him and smiles.
"Hello, you. What's your name?"
"The name is Chris Tougher, and may I ask what your name is?"
"My name's Brittney Wood. Come, have a seat."
Amazed with how fly he is with the women, Chris takes a look back to the counter to see the look on Johnny's face, but he sees him walk out the door with about seven women. It looks like Johnny's going to get some action before Chris can even ask this woman out on a date. Oh well, everybody knows that Johnny is a man-whore.
"So where do you work?"
"I'm a wrestler."
"Really? So you must be strong, huh?"
"Very, I just won my match the other day. It was amazing."
"Congratulations, I guess... I work as a History teacher."
"Awesome, so how long were you in college to become that?"
"Seven years, I'm twenty-five-years-old."
"Wow... I'm turning twenty-one very, very soon."
"When's that?"
"August fourth... tomorrow."
"Do you have any plans for your birthday?"
"Not really, no."
Nodding, Chris sits silent.
"If you want you could get me to make some plans for your birthday."
"Really?"
"Yeah, how about it?"
"I think that's a great idea. What do you have in mind?"
"You can meet me back here tomorrow night and we can think of a place to go to. Bring a friend if you want, I know I will."
"I have a friend named Johnny, he came in here with me... but he just left a little while ago, I don't know where he's at now. I'll bring him along since that'll be cool and everything, he knows his place around Reno more than I do."
"Great, I'll see you then, all right, Chris?"
"Got it, Brittney."
Thumbs up to her and he's off, walking to the stool near the front counter. He sits down and takes a sip of his beer. Noticing that Johnny isn't going to come back, he pays the bill and walks out of the bar and down the sidewalk with his hands in his pocket. He hears somebody giggling in the alley of the bar and a convenience store, so he peeks through it and sees Johnny dancing.
"Nice, Johnny."
"Hey, Chris! Come over here for a minute, I was telling the girls a hilarious joke. But they're gone and I'm still laughing at it."
"You can tell me the joke from here, can't you? I don't like going into alleys at night."
"All right, here's my joke... ready? All right... PUSSY!"
"Pussy?"
"PUSSY!"
"What?"
"PUSSY!"
"I don't get it, Johnny."
"YOU NEVER WILL!"
"...Oh, really nice. I'm going home now, all right?"
"Yeah, I might follow..."
"What are you doing with those women? Where are they?"
"Nothing at all, they just put their hands in my pockets and walked away with them inverted outwards."
"I'm pretty sure that they just robbed you, man. C'mon, let's go."
Johnny kind of staggers out of the alley and follows Tougher down the sidewalk as they walk to wherever.
"How much did you drink tonight?"
"I don't know... tons."
As the two sit on the bar stools, Johnny calls for two beers and the bartender gets right on it, walking to the refrigerator and pulling out two beers, setting them before both Tougher and Fame. Chris grabs his beer and takes the cap off, setting it down on the counter. He spins his stool around and glances around, looking for some hot chicks. Johnny turns his stool around, too. Taking a sip of his beer, Chris eyes one woman in the back corner of the bar. He seems a little bit interested in her, but he probably wouldn't stand a chance. Johnny sees Chris watching her, so he breaks the silence.
"Go on, give it a shot man."
"Should I? There's no way she can be single, though."
"This is a singles bar, Chris... you wouldn't be in here unless you're single."
"Hmmm... I suppose. Look at the rack on her."
"Your not interested in the rack, are you?"
"Actually, yes... I am interested in the rack, that's what caught my attention. I didn't turn this bar-stool around, no... the gravitational pull of those titties spun me around like a paperclip when it draws too close to a magnet. Johnny, I think that I'm in love with them."
"I guess that's cool, then. Go and introduce yourself."
"I'm going to wait on that, Johnny. You know, prepare myself for the talking... I need to think of something interesting to say when I walk over to her, not just say Hey, I'm Chris Tougher... you have big boobs and I like them, lady; want to go out with me?' That's not going to work... at all, 'cause I've tried that once before and let me tell you... they almost tried to deprive me of air from that comment."
"How so?"
"Since they knew I was attatched to them, they said that they'd let me get a close view of them when they're out from their wraps. It sounded like a good idea at first, but when it was the no-pants-dance the woman almost smothered me to death between her boobs! It was crazy, I had to get hooked up to a respirator for a week and pumped with oxygen since there was a lack of it getting to my brain."
"Sounds shitty, but what a way to go, eh?"
"Oh yeah, God would have taken me from Heaven and put me in his version of Heaven where nudity is covered in small tree leaves."
Chris Tougher takes another sip of his beer, but he rinses the inside of his mouth with it. Stupid idea since he'll smell like a total drunk, but he doesn't seem to care. He sets the bottle down on the counter and cracks his knuckles. With arrogrance and conceit, Tougher pompously struts over to the other side of the bar without Johnny and he stands beside the woman. She looks up at him and smiles.
"Hello, you. What's your name?"
"The name is Chris Tougher, and may I ask what your name is?"
"My name's Brittney Wood. Come, have a seat."
Amazed with how fly he is with the women, Chris takes a look back to the counter to see the look on Johnny's face, but he sees him walk out the door with about seven women. It looks like Johnny's going to get some action before Chris can even ask this woman out on a date. Oh well, everybody knows that Johnny is a man-whore.
"So where do you work?"
"I'm a wrestler."
"Really? So you must be strong, huh?"
"Very, I just won my match the other day. It was amazing."
"Congratulations, I guess... I work as a History teacher."
"Awesome, so how long were you in college to become that?"
"Seven years, I'm twenty-five-years-old."
"Wow... I'm turning twenty-one very, very soon."
"When's that?"
"August fourth... tomorrow."
"Do you have any plans for your birthday?"
"Not really, no."
Nodding, Chris sits silent.
"If you want you could get me to make some plans for your birthday."
"Really?"
"Yeah, how about it?"
"I think that's a great idea. What do you have in mind?"
"You can meet me back here tomorrow night and we can think of a place to go to. Bring a friend if you want, I know I will."
"I have a friend named Johnny, he came in here with me... but he just left a little while ago, I don't know where he's at now. I'll bring him along since that'll be cool and everything, he knows his place around Reno more than I do."
"Great, I'll see you then, all right, Chris?"
"Got it, Brittney."
Thumbs up to her and he's off, walking to the stool near the front counter. He sits down and takes a sip of his beer. Noticing that Johnny isn't going to come back, he pays the bill and walks out of the bar and down the sidewalk with his hands in his pocket. He hears somebody giggling in the alley of the bar and a convenience store, so he peeks through it and sees Johnny dancing.
"Nice, Johnny."
"Hey, Chris! Come over here for a minute, I was telling the girls a hilarious joke. But they're gone and I'm still laughing at it."
"You can tell me the joke from here, can't you? I don't like going into alleys at night."
"All right, here's my joke... ready? All right... PUSSY!"
"Pussy?"
"PUSSY!"
"What?"
"PUSSY!"
"I don't get it, Johnny."
"YOU NEVER WILL!"
"...Oh, really nice. I'm going home now, all right?"
"Yeah, I might follow..."
"What are you doing with those women? Where are they?"
"Nothing at all, they just put their hands in my pockets and walked away with them inverted outwards."
"I'm pretty sure that they just robbed you, man. C'mon, let's go."
Johnny kind of staggers out of the alley and follows Tougher down the sidewalk as they walk to wherever.
"How much did you drink tonight?"
"I don't know... tons."