Post by TFP on Oct 21, 2008 16:51:16 GMT -4
The Burger King Whopper – something that’s so delicious, even better than the Big Mac, itself. Both of them will clog your arteries in the long run and be the cause of you developing heart disease twenty years down the road if you have it as your daily diet, but that’s a long time, anyways. Besides, who cares about the future when the present is now? Live young while you can, eat what you’re able to eat and fear what you don’t have – such as AIDS, gonorrhoea, constipation and a menstrual cycle. Jesse, laughing in the face of every forty-year old man who spent the past twenty or so years visiting every fast-food restaurant chain on the busiest of roads in their city, finishes up the legendary Whopper and leaves the garbage on the ground beside his feet. He litters. So what? That’s what janitors are for. If they haven’t had people littering in the building, they’d have nothing to clean up other than dirt specs from people’s shoes. Janitors even whine about that. Sucks doing a job you’re getting paid for, huh? Ah well, we can continue this discussion another day – or never.
“Why did you run away like that?”
Turning around, Jesse looks at who’s talking to him. It’s that girl who works for FWA’s film production crew, and she’s starting to be a little bit annoying right now – but Jesse totally digs her, even though he doesn’t even know her name.
Jesse James Miller: “I was hungry. Normally when I get a growl in my stomach, I just run away and go to the nearest restaurant or food stand and get something to eat. Hell, I’ve done it in business meetings before until I got fired for it. That’s why I’m working here as a wrestler. But it was a good thing, I suppose – nothing wrong with getting fired for being hungry, right? What the Hell do they want me to do? Starve to death?”
Random Person: “That would be quite the situation. But don’t you eat things earlier in the day before you attend such important things as that? Not only does it fill you up, but it gives you a better mind and your thinking becomes more sensible. For example – you’re going to a party and you decide not to eat before going...”
Jesse James Miller: “I’d get drunk, either way.”
Random Person: “Yes, but...”
Jesse James Miller: “But? Food doesn’t play a factor when alcohol is present. In fact, you would WANT an empty stomach before you fill it up like a beer keg. Food would only ruin the intake of alcohol you have at the party, making it a limited amount since you’ll feel full with a turkey, a sandwich, three cows and alcohol all in there dancing at once.”
Random Person: “NEVERMIND THEN! I was just going to say it would give you a better sense of thought at the party, making you not want to do something stupid – like set yourself on fire.”
Jesse James Miller: “And that’s stupid?”
Random Person: “Yes.”
Jesse James Miller: “Mmmhmm, I think you’re on drugs. And who needs intelligence at a party? All you need is a fun time.”
Random Person: “Ugh...”
Jesse shrugs his shoulders and kicks his trash down the hallway. She raises her eyebrow and looks up at him.
Random Person: “Ever hear of a garbage can?”
Jesse James Miller: “Actually I have, but don’t really understand the purpose of them – all that it does is mix and mingle trash of all kinds in one large cylinder. Think of a nightclub for a moment – a bunch of trashy whores are there, mingling with a bunch of dirty guys. Then there’s a homeless loner across the street that would much prefer to be alone and not mix with his type. That garbage over there – it’s a homeless loner. I’d rather do it a favour and leave it alone.”
Random Person: “Quite the imagination you have there, Jesse.”
Jesse James Miller: “You know my name, yet I don’t know yours... creepy, much?”
Random Person: “My name is something you’ll have to figure out.”
Jesse James Miller: “Argh! That’s too difficult! Let’s look at your model number...”
Jesse turns her around and tries to look for a number on the back of her neck. She steps away quickly.
Random Person: “Model number?!”
Jesse James Miller: “Yeah, every model has a number on them.”
Random Person: “I’m no model.”
Jesse James Miller: “It was a compliment. Now – tell me your name!”
Random Person: “Uhh – it’s Heather. Heather Wallace.”
Jesse James Miller: “Oh, cool. HEY! Didn’t I try to rape you before?”
Random Person: “WHOA?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!”
Jesse James Miller: “Err... you can’t be Heather then.”
Random Person: “No. I’m not. You best get to know the names of your employees, Jesse.”
Jesse James Miller: “I’ve only been here for three months. Cut me some slack.”
Random Person: “And I’ve been here for two months, yet I know your name.”
Jesse James Miller: “But unlike you, I’m on television.”
Random Person: “Ouch. If it wasn’t for me, your titantron video would be non-existent.”
Jesse James Miller: “You made that?”
Random Person: “Yes sir.”
Jesse James Miller: “That thing makes me look intimidating.”
Random Person: “Well, that’s the point of those videos, y’know. To give people a sample of what you’re capable of. I had to dig deep to find some things that made you look impressive.”
Jesse James Miller: “Ouch.”
Random Person: “Indeed.”
Jesse James Miller: “Name, please?”
Random Person: “My name is Holly Jones.”
Jesse James Miller: “Ah. NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Let me ask you something – did Joe try anything freaky on you before?”
Random Person: “Such as making me sit on his Sunkist waterbed?”
Jesse James Miller: “No, not that.”
Random Person: “Then what?”
Jesse James Miller: “Never mind. If you’re really Holly Jones, then which woman do you look like?”
Random Person: “Nobody. I’m one of a kind.”
Jesse James Miller: “WRONG! Jessica Alba.”
Random Person: “Oh dear...”
Jesse James Miller: “Foiled again, Miss No-Name. Seriously, who are you?”
Random Person: “Fine. You really want to know?”
Jesse James Miller: “Yes! Or else I wouldn’t ask!”
Random Person: “I’m Serenity.”
Jesse James Miller: “Yeah fucking right. Don’t lie.”
Random Person: “I’m not lying!”
Jesse James Miller: “If you weren’t lying, we’d be having sex right now in front of the camera!”
Random Person: “You stumped me, Jesse.”
Grinning from ear to ear, he folds his arms and nods his head. You know he’s impressed with himself.
Jesse James Miller: “Now that I have won this little game – tell me your name, please.”
Her cell phone rings, so she answers.
Random Person: “Hello? Okay, I’ll be there soon. Bye.”
She hangs up.
Random Person: “Got to go.”
She walks off and Jesse leans against the wall, letting out a sigh. Tony comes into sight and looks at him, also looking quite depressed for some reason.
Tony: “Rough day?”
Jesse James Miller: “No, I just don’t know her name.”
Tony: “Did you ask?”
Jesse James Miller: “Yes.”
Tony: “Must’ve not asked politely enough.”
Jesse James Miller: “Oh, shut up – go get fired.”
Tony: “HEY! THAT is NOT cool!”
Jesse James Miller: “Sorry, whatever – I guess I don’t appreciate the work that commentators like you do on a weekly basis while guys like me are getting their asses kicked in and out of the ring just for entertainment. All that you guys do are make witty comments that aren’t funny at all. Like seriously, what does it take to get a Don West and a Mike Tenay around here?”
Tony: “I could be a Don West...”
Jesse James Miller: “Ha! Don’t flatter yourself. You can’t express yourself with half the retardation that he can. That’s why FWA has decided to put your job on the line, because you and your forever girly partner can’t call a match without sounding like total morons! ARGH!”
Tony: “Wow, thanks... I’ve been doing this job for almost four years without a compliment from anybody, but you decided to be the first one to comment on my skills by totally shitting on them. Again – thanks...”
Jesse James Miller: “No problem, and it would be great to see somebody as lame as you get punched in the face by your buddy and get fired right after you wake up from a concussion. Honestly, Tony – why didn’t you just stay with the BWA?”
Tony: “They shut down.”
Jesse James Miller: “FINE!”
Tony: “Eh?”
Jesse James Miller: “Bah, forget about it. I’m a bit angry at the moment, as I’ve told you before.”
Tony: “Well, don’t worry – I just fear for the outcome of my match against Franny. We’ve been working side-by-side since 2004, and have been calling matches ever since. Four years is a long time, Jesse – how long have you been in this industry?”
Jesse James Miller: “Don’t ask me.”
Tony: “I figured as much from you. But yeah, whatever happens at the pay per view will change our lives forever. Imagine – whatever happens at the event, win or lose, the commentary team of Tony and Franny will never work together again.”
Jesse James Miller: “How about I put an end to your questions by punching you both out into a state of oblivion when the time arrives? That way, the two of you can get fired together, get married on a mountain and be together forever without a care in the world.”
Tony: “You would do that for us? Like, seriously, Jesse – that would be the best thing that somebody like you could ever do for us. I beg that you punch him and I as hard as you can. I beg that you knock us out cold, leaving us senseless on the canvas. I would appreciate it so much.”
Jesse James Miller: “You’ve really grown attached to him, haven’t you? Seems that all the time on air, it’s the two of you bickering back and forth, calling one another names that are either humorous or something we’ve heard too much from you both. You want me to interfere?”
Tony: “Yes! Please!”
Jesse James Miller: “No dice.”
Tony’s jaw drops and his eyes widen with shock. Gutted.
Tony: “What?! Why?!”
Jesse James Miller: “Well, since you want to be with him forever – how about this – you and Franny speak to one another and discuss a plan. Here’s an idea – both of you fake your knock-outs. Decide that you both get knocked out during the five or so minute mark in the match, then when you send an uppercut, tell him to jab you in the jaw. Both of you can fall at the same time and play dead. Double knockout.”
Tony: “That’s actually a genius idea, Jesse. But what if Alex Redding notices we’re faking and gets mad at us for doing that? Surely the consequences couldn’t be good for us, you know. Alex Redding is an awful guy and wouldn’t take kindly to a plot that would pull the wool over his eyes.”
Jesse James Miller: “You can quit for being unhappy? I don’t know – be an adult, Tony. I’m done giving you suggestions, think some up for yourself. Besides, why in the Hell am I talking to you? You’re a commentator – I’m a wrestler. The only time we should talk to you is if your announcer table gets in my damn way when I fall out of the ring.”
Tony: “WELL THEN YOU GUYS SHOULD WATCH WHERE YOU FALL AND STOP ABUSING US!”
Jesse James Miller: “GO WRITE AN ENTRY ABOUT IT IN YOUR DIARY!”
Tony: “I DON’T HAVE A DIARY! I HAVE A MYSPACE!”
Jesse James Miller: “THEN GO WRITE A BLOG ABOUT IT! I DON’T CARE!”
Tony: “MAYBE I WILL WRITE ONE! HELL, MAYBE I’LL WRITE A BOOK VOICING MY UNHAPPINESS!”
Jesse James Miller: “DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO! STOP BOTHERING ME!”
Jesse grabs a random Pepsi can and smashes it over Tony’s face. Falling to the ground with Pepsi splattered everywhere, Tony lies on the ground holding the bridge of his nose. Innocently, Jesse casually walks by as if he did nothing at all.
Franny passes him.
Franny: “What the Hell?! Tony?!”
Tony: “ilu.”
Franny: “ilu2.”
“Why did you run away like that?”
Turning around, Jesse looks at who’s talking to him. It’s that girl who works for FWA’s film production crew, and she’s starting to be a little bit annoying right now – but Jesse totally digs her, even though he doesn’t even know her name.
Jesse James Miller: “I was hungry. Normally when I get a growl in my stomach, I just run away and go to the nearest restaurant or food stand and get something to eat. Hell, I’ve done it in business meetings before until I got fired for it. That’s why I’m working here as a wrestler. But it was a good thing, I suppose – nothing wrong with getting fired for being hungry, right? What the Hell do they want me to do? Starve to death?”
Random Person: “That would be quite the situation. But don’t you eat things earlier in the day before you attend such important things as that? Not only does it fill you up, but it gives you a better mind and your thinking becomes more sensible. For example – you’re going to a party and you decide not to eat before going...”
Jesse James Miller: “I’d get drunk, either way.”
Random Person: “Yes, but...”
Jesse James Miller: “But? Food doesn’t play a factor when alcohol is present. In fact, you would WANT an empty stomach before you fill it up like a beer keg. Food would only ruin the intake of alcohol you have at the party, making it a limited amount since you’ll feel full with a turkey, a sandwich, three cows and alcohol all in there dancing at once.”
Random Person: “NEVERMIND THEN! I was just going to say it would give you a better sense of thought at the party, making you not want to do something stupid – like set yourself on fire.”
Jesse James Miller: “And that’s stupid?”
Random Person: “Yes.”
Jesse James Miller: “Mmmhmm, I think you’re on drugs. And who needs intelligence at a party? All you need is a fun time.”
Random Person: “Ugh...”
Jesse shrugs his shoulders and kicks his trash down the hallway. She raises her eyebrow and looks up at him.
Random Person: “Ever hear of a garbage can?”
Jesse James Miller: “Actually I have, but don’t really understand the purpose of them – all that it does is mix and mingle trash of all kinds in one large cylinder. Think of a nightclub for a moment – a bunch of trashy whores are there, mingling with a bunch of dirty guys. Then there’s a homeless loner across the street that would much prefer to be alone and not mix with his type. That garbage over there – it’s a homeless loner. I’d rather do it a favour and leave it alone.”
Random Person: “Quite the imagination you have there, Jesse.”
Jesse James Miller: “You know my name, yet I don’t know yours... creepy, much?”
Random Person: “My name is something you’ll have to figure out.”
Jesse James Miller: “Argh! That’s too difficult! Let’s look at your model number...”
Jesse turns her around and tries to look for a number on the back of her neck. She steps away quickly.
Random Person: “Model number?!”
Jesse James Miller: “Yeah, every model has a number on them.”
Random Person: “I’m no model.”
Jesse James Miller: “It was a compliment. Now – tell me your name!”
Random Person: “Uhh – it’s Heather. Heather Wallace.”
Jesse James Miller: “Oh, cool. HEY! Didn’t I try to rape you before?”
Random Person: “WHOA?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!”
Jesse James Miller: “Err... you can’t be Heather then.”
Random Person: “No. I’m not. You best get to know the names of your employees, Jesse.”
Jesse James Miller: “I’ve only been here for three months. Cut me some slack.”
Random Person: “And I’ve been here for two months, yet I know your name.”
Jesse James Miller: “But unlike you, I’m on television.”
Random Person: “Ouch. If it wasn’t for me, your titantron video would be non-existent.”
Jesse James Miller: “You made that?”
Random Person: “Yes sir.”
Jesse James Miller: “That thing makes me look intimidating.”
Random Person: “Well, that’s the point of those videos, y’know. To give people a sample of what you’re capable of. I had to dig deep to find some things that made you look impressive.”
Jesse James Miller: “Ouch.”
Random Person: “Indeed.”
Jesse James Miller: “Name, please?”
Random Person: “My name is Holly Jones.”
Jesse James Miller: “Ah. NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Let me ask you something – did Joe try anything freaky on you before?”
Random Person: “Such as making me sit on his Sunkist waterbed?”
Jesse James Miller: “No, not that.”
Random Person: “Then what?”
Jesse James Miller: “Never mind. If you’re really Holly Jones, then which woman do you look like?”
Random Person: “Nobody. I’m one of a kind.”
Jesse James Miller: “WRONG! Jessica Alba.”
Random Person: “Oh dear...”
Jesse James Miller: “Foiled again, Miss No-Name. Seriously, who are you?”
Random Person: “Fine. You really want to know?”
Jesse James Miller: “Yes! Or else I wouldn’t ask!”
Random Person: “I’m Serenity.”
Jesse James Miller: “Yeah fucking right. Don’t lie.”
Random Person: “I’m not lying!”
Jesse James Miller: “If you weren’t lying, we’d be having sex right now in front of the camera!”
Random Person: “You stumped me, Jesse.”
Grinning from ear to ear, he folds his arms and nods his head. You know he’s impressed with himself.
Jesse James Miller: “Now that I have won this little game – tell me your name, please.”
Her cell phone rings, so she answers.
Random Person: “Hello? Okay, I’ll be there soon. Bye.”
She hangs up.
Random Person: “Got to go.”
She walks off and Jesse leans against the wall, letting out a sigh. Tony comes into sight and looks at him, also looking quite depressed for some reason.
Tony: “Rough day?”
Jesse James Miller: “No, I just don’t know her name.”
Tony: “Did you ask?”
Jesse James Miller: “Yes.”
Tony: “Must’ve not asked politely enough.”
Jesse James Miller: “Oh, shut up – go get fired.”
Tony: “HEY! THAT is NOT cool!”
Jesse James Miller: “Sorry, whatever – I guess I don’t appreciate the work that commentators like you do on a weekly basis while guys like me are getting their asses kicked in and out of the ring just for entertainment. All that you guys do are make witty comments that aren’t funny at all. Like seriously, what does it take to get a Don West and a Mike Tenay around here?”
Tony: “I could be a Don West...”
Jesse James Miller: “Ha! Don’t flatter yourself. You can’t express yourself with half the retardation that he can. That’s why FWA has decided to put your job on the line, because you and your forever girly partner can’t call a match without sounding like total morons! ARGH!”
Tony: “Wow, thanks... I’ve been doing this job for almost four years without a compliment from anybody, but you decided to be the first one to comment on my skills by totally shitting on them. Again – thanks...”
Jesse James Miller: “No problem, and it would be great to see somebody as lame as you get punched in the face by your buddy and get fired right after you wake up from a concussion. Honestly, Tony – why didn’t you just stay with the BWA?”
Tony: “They shut down.”
Jesse James Miller: “FINE!”
Tony: “Eh?”
Jesse James Miller: “Bah, forget about it. I’m a bit angry at the moment, as I’ve told you before.”
Tony: “Well, don’t worry – I just fear for the outcome of my match against Franny. We’ve been working side-by-side since 2004, and have been calling matches ever since. Four years is a long time, Jesse – how long have you been in this industry?”
Jesse James Miller: “Don’t ask me.”
Tony: “I figured as much from you. But yeah, whatever happens at the pay per view will change our lives forever. Imagine – whatever happens at the event, win or lose, the commentary team of Tony and Franny will never work together again.”
Jesse James Miller: “How about I put an end to your questions by punching you both out into a state of oblivion when the time arrives? That way, the two of you can get fired together, get married on a mountain and be together forever without a care in the world.”
Tony: “You would do that for us? Like, seriously, Jesse – that would be the best thing that somebody like you could ever do for us. I beg that you punch him and I as hard as you can. I beg that you knock us out cold, leaving us senseless on the canvas. I would appreciate it so much.”
Jesse James Miller: “You’ve really grown attached to him, haven’t you? Seems that all the time on air, it’s the two of you bickering back and forth, calling one another names that are either humorous or something we’ve heard too much from you both. You want me to interfere?”
Tony: “Yes! Please!”
Jesse James Miller: “No dice.”
Tony’s jaw drops and his eyes widen with shock. Gutted.
Tony: “What?! Why?!”
Jesse James Miller: “Well, since you want to be with him forever – how about this – you and Franny speak to one another and discuss a plan. Here’s an idea – both of you fake your knock-outs. Decide that you both get knocked out during the five or so minute mark in the match, then when you send an uppercut, tell him to jab you in the jaw. Both of you can fall at the same time and play dead. Double knockout.”
Tony: “That’s actually a genius idea, Jesse. But what if Alex Redding notices we’re faking and gets mad at us for doing that? Surely the consequences couldn’t be good for us, you know. Alex Redding is an awful guy and wouldn’t take kindly to a plot that would pull the wool over his eyes.”
Jesse James Miller: “You can quit for being unhappy? I don’t know – be an adult, Tony. I’m done giving you suggestions, think some up for yourself. Besides, why in the Hell am I talking to you? You’re a commentator – I’m a wrestler. The only time we should talk to you is if your announcer table gets in my damn way when I fall out of the ring.”
Tony: “WELL THEN YOU GUYS SHOULD WATCH WHERE YOU FALL AND STOP ABUSING US!”
Jesse James Miller: “GO WRITE AN ENTRY ABOUT IT IN YOUR DIARY!”
Tony: “I DON’T HAVE A DIARY! I HAVE A MYSPACE!”
Jesse James Miller: “THEN GO WRITE A BLOG ABOUT IT! I DON’T CARE!”
Tony: “MAYBE I WILL WRITE ONE! HELL, MAYBE I’LL WRITE A BOOK VOICING MY UNHAPPINESS!”
Jesse James Miller: “DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO! STOP BOTHERING ME!”
Jesse grabs a random Pepsi can and smashes it over Tony’s face. Falling to the ground with Pepsi splattered everywhere, Tony lies on the ground holding the bridge of his nose. Innocently, Jesse casually walks by as if he did nothing at all.
Franny passes him.
Franny: “What the Hell?! Tony?!”
Tony: “ilu.”
Franny: “ilu2.”