Post by TFP on Nov 8, 2008 22:58:25 GMT -4
What is love?
The car pulls into a parking lot belonging to a local club. PJ and Bob step out and breathe the fresh air and look around, nodding their heads.
PJ Curtis: "This is a new beginning of our life, Bob. I can feel it. No more will we be a laughingstock, no more will we be laughed at for looking like idiots. When we go home tonight, it won't be by ourselves... instead it will be with several women who will want to make love to us for hours and hours on end. You know how much a crave a compassionate kiss, don't you, Bob? Ever since I was a child, I longed for this moment. Now it has arrived and I will do what I have to: take advantage of it. Let's roll."
PJ and Bob walk to the back of the line, waiting as people go through the bouncer. Some are rejected, but PJ and Bob put on a serious expression. When they reach the front of the line, PJ stands there, folding his arms. He stares up at the bouncer who stares down at him. Raising an eyebrow, PJ nods his head and tries to pass through, but he is grabbed by the collar of his shirt and pulled back. PJ's eyes widen and he gulps.
PJ Curtis: "Oh. Right."
Grabbing a handful of pocket change from the purchase of Clearasil earlier, he hends it to the bouncer.
Bouncer: "Nice bribe, but you and your friend should keep it for the arcade. It's about two blocks away."
PJ Curtis: "A bribe? This is no bribe, dude... it's a generous donation, a hand-out. It's Valentine's Day, for crying out loud. Feel the love, man... just feel the love."
PJ puts his arms out for a hug, but the bouncer shakes his head.
Bouncer: "Whatever. Next?"
Bob Pocket: "Listen you big night-club jerk... I don't know if you realize or not, but we've come a long way for this. Our girlfriends are inside and we want to go in there for our date. We called the manager, arranged a dinner with our girls and everything else. If you mess this up, they're going to blame us for not showing up and skipping the dinner. So move aside, you morion... we're here for a reason."
Bouncer: "Oh my, this is just too much. First of all, the manager doesn't book dinners. Second, this is a night-club... nobody comes here on dates, they just come here to meet other singles and hope to get lucky. It's like most clubs, it's just a place where you come to drink and mess around for the night. If you really wanted to have dinner with your girlfreinds, you would have gone somewhere else other than here. You do know the reputation that this place has, right?"
PJ Curtis: "Of course."
Bouncer: "Good, so you should be aware that if you piss off the bouncer enough, he'll kick your ass."
PJ and Bob hurry away from him, even though he was probably joking.
PJ Curtis: "Damnit, damnit, damnit... what do we do now?"
Bob Pocket: "Sneak in, of course."
PJ Curtis: "Sneak in? Look at him, he will notice us get in there."
Bob Pocket: "Not through there, dumbass. There is always a backdoor to every building."
PJ Curtis: "GENIUS!"
Walking around the corner, Bob and PJ see a backdoor. However, it has no handle or doorknob to open it. PJ sighs, but Bob walks up to it and knocks on it loudly. PJ steps back a bit and hides behind a trash-can. The door opens up and a bartender looks at him.
Bartender: "Yeah?"
Bob Pocket: "I gotta piss. Mind letting me use the washroom?"
Bartender: "Oh. Sure."
Bob enters and the door closes.
PJ Curtis: "WHAT the FUCK?!"
A few moments later, PJ sees a vent from above pop open and fall onto the ground. He looks up and sees a rope hanging out. PJ grabs hold of it and climbs up and into the vent, crawling through it and soon falling into the bathroom stall where Bob is holding the other end of the rope. PJ dusts himself off and fixes his hair, giving a nod to Bob. Leaving the bathroom, they enter the dancefloor and act casual. PJ walks up to a girl and speaks to her. It's time for those pick-up lines to come in use.
PJ Curtis: "Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them."
Creeped out, she walks away. Time for the next girl.
PJ Curtis: "Nice shoes, wanna go do it?"
She slaps him across the face and he falls back into a few people. He drops to the ground with a few people and there is a girl lying beside him.
PJ Curtis: "MY FACE IS LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES! GET ON IT!"
A guy grabs him by the scruff of the neck and punches him in the stomach, throwing him out of the dancefloor. He stumbles up the stairs going to the drinking tables. He sees a girl sitting at a table all by himself.
PJ Curtis: "You're so hot, I would suck a fart out of your ass."
By now, PJ has pissed enough people off to be reported and the bouncer from the entrance spots him.
Bouncer: "Huh?"
PJ Curtis: "Oh shiiiiiit... RUN, BOB, RUN!"
PJ runs to the bathroom as the bouncer casually walks after him. He gets in the stall and locks the door, trying to climb up into the vent, but he can't. Sighing because he knows he'll get his ass kicked, he is about to accept what is going to happen. But then he notices that somebody in this stall before him clogged the toilet. Maybe it was Bob? Oh well. He flushes the toilet and water overflows at an incredible force and speed. It even creates a fountain which allows him to be propelled into the vent. He grabs onto the ledge and pulls himself in, but his foot is grabbed and his is pulled out.
PJ Curtis: "NOOO!"
Bouncer: "Now look what you've done. Time for your ass to be beaten."
Running away, he tries to escape, but his arm is grabbed and pulled back. He turns around, dodging a punch. When the bouncer looks at him, PJ pops his pimple which gets in the bouncer's eye.
Bouncer: "WHAT THE HELL?! ARE YOU INSANE?!"
Running like Hell, PJ escapes the night-club and goes outside, standing around the corner of the building, panting since he's out of breath. Bob is nowhere to be seen, so PJ enters his car, driving him as fast as he can.
The car pulls into a parking lot belonging to a local club. PJ and Bob step out and breathe the fresh air and look around, nodding their heads.
PJ Curtis: "This is a new beginning of our life, Bob. I can feel it. No more will we be a laughingstock, no more will we be laughed at for looking like idiots. When we go home tonight, it won't be by ourselves... instead it will be with several women who will want to make love to us for hours and hours on end. You know how much a crave a compassionate kiss, don't you, Bob? Ever since I was a child, I longed for this moment. Now it has arrived and I will do what I have to: take advantage of it. Let's roll."
PJ and Bob walk to the back of the line, waiting as people go through the bouncer. Some are rejected, but PJ and Bob put on a serious expression. When they reach the front of the line, PJ stands there, folding his arms. He stares up at the bouncer who stares down at him. Raising an eyebrow, PJ nods his head and tries to pass through, but he is grabbed by the collar of his shirt and pulled back. PJ's eyes widen and he gulps.
PJ Curtis: "Oh. Right."
Grabbing a handful of pocket change from the purchase of Clearasil earlier, he hends it to the bouncer.
Bouncer: "Nice bribe, but you and your friend should keep it for the arcade. It's about two blocks away."
PJ Curtis: "A bribe? This is no bribe, dude... it's a generous donation, a hand-out. It's Valentine's Day, for crying out loud. Feel the love, man... just feel the love."
PJ puts his arms out for a hug, but the bouncer shakes his head.
Bouncer: "Whatever. Next?"
Bob Pocket: "Listen you big night-club jerk... I don't know if you realize or not, but we've come a long way for this. Our girlfriends are inside and we want to go in there for our date. We called the manager, arranged a dinner with our girls and everything else. If you mess this up, they're going to blame us for not showing up and skipping the dinner. So move aside, you morion... we're here for a reason."
Bouncer: "Oh my, this is just too much. First of all, the manager doesn't book dinners. Second, this is a night-club... nobody comes here on dates, they just come here to meet other singles and hope to get lucky. It's like most clubs, it's just a place where you come to drink and mess around for the night. If you really wanted to have dinner with your girlfreinds, you would have gone somewhere else other than here. You do know the reputation that this place has, right?"
PJ Curtis: "Of course."
Bouncer: "Good, so you should be aware that if you piss off the bouncer enough, he'll kick your ass."
PJ and Bob hurry away from him, even though he was probably joking.
PJ Curtis: "Damnit, damnit, damnit... what do we do now?"
Bob Pocket: "Sneak in, of course."
PJ Curtis: "Sneak in? Look at him, he will notice us get in there."
Bob Pocket: "Not through there, dumbass. There is always a backdoor to every building."
PJ Curtis: "GENIUS!"
Walking around the corner, Bob and PJ see a backdoor. However, it has no handle or doorknob to open it. PJ sighs, but Bob walks up to it and knocks on it loudly. PJ steps back a bit and hides behind a trash-can. The door opens up and a bartender looks at him.
Bartender: "Yeah?"
Bob Pocket: "I gotta piss. Mind letting me use the washroom?"
Bartender: "Oh. Sure."
Bob enters and the door closes.
PJ Curtis: "WHAT the FUCK?!"
A few moments later, PJ sees a vent from above pop open and fall onto the ground. He looks up and sees a rope hanging out. PJ grabs hold of it and climbs up and into the vent, crawling through it and soon falling into the bathroom stall where Bob is holding the other end of the rope. PJ dusts himself off and fixes his hair, giving a nod to Bob. Leaving the bathroom, they enter the dancefloor and act casual. PJ walks up to a girl and speaks to her. It's time for those pick-up lines to come in use.
PJ Curtis: "Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them."
Creeped out, she walks away. Time for the next girl.
PJ Curtis: "Nice shoes, wanna go do it?"
She slaps him across the face and he falls back into a few people. He drops to the ground with a few people and there is a girl lying beside him.
PJ Curtis: "MY FACE IS LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES! GET ON IT!"
A guy grabs him by the scruff of the neck and punches him in the stomach, throwing him out of the dancefloor. He stumbles up the stairs going to the drinking tables. He sees a girl sitting at a table all by himself.
PJ Curtis: "You're so hot, I would suck a fart out of your ass."
By now, PJ has pissed enough people off to be reported and the bouncer from the entrance spots him.
Bouncer: "Huh?"
PJ Curtis: "Oh shiiiiiit... RUN, BOB, RUN!"
PJ runs to the bathroom as the bouncer casually walks after him. He gets in the stall and locks the door, trying to climb up into the vent, but he can't. Sighing because he knows he'll get his ass kicked, he is about to accept what is going to happen. But then he notices that somebody in this stall before him clogged the toilet. Maybe it was Bob? Oh well. He flushes the toilet and water overflows at an incredible force and speed. It even creates a fountain which allows him to be propelled into the vent. He grabs onto the ledge and pulls himself in, but his foot is grabbed and his is pulled out.
PJ Curtis: "NOOO!"
Bouncer: "Now look what you've done. Time for your ass to be beaten."
Running away, he tries to escape, but his arm is grabbed and pulled back. He turns around, dodging a punch. When the bouncer looks at him, PJ pops his pimple which gets in the bouncer's eye.
Bouncer: "WHAT THE HELL?! ARE YOU INSANE?!"
Running like Hell, PJ escapes the night-club and goes outside, standing around the corner of the building, panting since he's out of breath. Bob is nowhere to be seen, so PJ enters his car, driving him as fast as he can.