Post by TFP on Jan 7, 2009 21:53:56 GMT -4
Fish, budgies, dogs, cats and reptiles are seen in cages and glass cases along each and every wall in what appears to be a pet store. Standing and looking at a goldfish, Davidson studies it long and hard and rubs hsi chin, clearly thinking about it. Since the place is pretty much dead considering the animals haven't been fed in about thirteen hours, the cashier comes from behind the counter and walks over to Davidson with a smile on her face.
Cashier: "Are you interested in purchasing a goldfish?"
Davidson: "I'm not too sure, to be honest. I mean, this goldfish clearly displays some personality with its movement from the left- and right-side of the tank. Most goldfish I see are usually in the same spot with nothing impressive to show. Apart from that, there's this guy I know... he owns a spider monkey... and I want an animal that is clearly better than his to show off to my coworkers."
Raising an eyebrow, she's kinda startled.
Cashier: "A spider monkey? Isn't it illegal to have here in America?"
Davidson: "Perhaps, but nobody seems to care about him having it. There's other illegal things that the State of Texas is more concerned about other than a spider monkey. Illegal immigrants, for example. But if you guys have spider monkeys or anything similar to them, I'd be happy to purchase one."
Cashier: "No, unfortunately we don't. But we do have parrots, snakes, salamanders, cats and dogs."
Davidson: "Oh, boo. Those are all boring to me. I have tons of those animals, anyways. Or at least I used to when I lived in Reno. I'm looking for something superior to a spider monkey, I'm looking for something that will make anybody with a spider monkey jealous. Do you know how hard that is?! You can NEVER make a person with a spider monkey jealous. It's a spider monkey! They're what we all dreamed of having as children, I put them on my Christmas wishlist each and every year. I've even put it on my wishlist this year. And I'm 32! A spider monkey is something I want so bad."
Cashier: "I'm sorry... but we don't sell spider monkeys..."
Davidson: "Clearly. I guess I'll just have to capture one from a zoo or get one ordered from Africa."
Swallowing, she's becoming frustrated.
Cashier: "Are you out of yuor mind?! A spider monkey can't survive in the climate that America provides! It could lead to various diseases for the monkey, maybe even death. That's why they're held captive in zoos because people who work there know what conditions require them to live properly and healthy. Don't you even think about getting a spider monkey, sir."
Bringing a ringing cellphone up to his ear, Davidson flips her off and walks out of the store, continuing down the hallway in the mall. After a few lengthy rings, the phone picks up.
Davidson: "Hello? ...Marcus!"
Marcus Johnson: "Huh? Davidson! What the Hell do you want?"
Davidson: "Funny you asked. A spider monkey, of all things."
Marcus Johnson: "What? Are you sick or something? I know what you're planning."
Davidson: "Oh? Well then enlighten me, Mr. Genius."
Marcus Johnson: "A monkey fight. Yeah! You're trying to do do everything to throw me out of happiness and I don't approve of it. Nothing is ever going to hurt my spider monkey, let alone another spider monkey own by you. Good luck, asshole!"
Davidson: "Never thought about it like that, Marcus... but no, I don't want a spider monkey to have a fight with another one. Sweet idea, I know, but it's not happening. I want to have a spider monkey for the biggest and best idea in the whole world. Only somebody like me could think of something like this, and yes Marcus, it'll shock you once you fight out why I want a spider monkey. It'll frustrate you, make you sick to your stomach. Oh, boy. Hahaha. I want a spider monkey... to... make you JEALOUS!"
Marcus Johnson: "...What? No, you couldn't be. Davidson, I swear! If you get a spider monkey-"
Click. Davidson hangs up.
Strolling on, Davidson struts past a group of college girls who are impressed with him. Slightly. He rubs the stubble on his chin and points at them, then continues walking through the mall to find something cool. Given, he won't even find a spider monkey for sale here in Texas, but there's ways around that.
There always is.
Cashier: "Are you interested in purchasing a goldfish?"
Davidson: "I'm not too sure, to be honest. I mean, this goldfish clearly displays some personality with its movement from the left- and right-side of the tank. Most goldfish I see are usually in the same spot with nothing impressive to show. Apart from that, there's this guy I know... he owns a spider monkey... and I want an animal that is clearly better than his to show off to my coworkers."
Raising an eyebrow, she's kinda startled.
Cashier: "A spider monkey? Isn't it illegal to have here in America?"
Davidson: "Perhaps, but nobody seems to care about him having it. There's other illegal things that the State of Texas is more concerned about other than a spider monkey. Illegal immigrants, for example. But if you guys have spider monkeys or anything similar to them, I'd be happy to purchase one."
Cashier: "No, unfortunately we don't. But we do have parrots, snakes, salamanders, cats and dogs."
Davidson: "Oh, boo. Those are all boring to me. I have tons of those animals, anyways. Or at least I used to when I lived in Reno. I'm looking for something superior to a spider monkey, I'm looking for something that will make anybody with a spider monkey jealous. Do you know how hard that is?! You can NEVER make a person with a spider monkey jealous. It's a spider monkey! They're what we all dreamed of having as children, I put them on my Christmas wishlist each and every year. I've even put it on my wishlist this year. And I'm 32! A spider monkey is something I want so bad."
Cashier: "I'm sorry... but we don't sell spider monkeys..."
Davidson: "Clearly. I guess I'll just have to capture one from a zoo or get one ordered from Africa."
Swallowing, she's becoming frustrated.
Cashier: "Are you out of yuor mind?! A spider monkey can't survive in the climate that America provides! It could lead to various diseases for the monkey, maybe even death. That's why they're held captive in zoos because people who work there know what conditions require them to live properly and healthy. Don't you even think about getting a spider monkey, sir."
Bringing a ringing cellphone up to his ear, Davidson flips her off and walks out of the store, continuing down the hallway in the mall. After a few lengthy rings, the phone picks up.
Davidson: "Hello? ...Marcus!"
Marcus Johnson: "Huh? Davidson! What the Hell do you want?"
Davidson: "Funny you asked. A spider monkey, of all things."
Marcus Johnson: "What? Are you sick or something? I know what you're planning."
Davidson: "Oh? Well then enlighten me, Mr. Genius."
Marcus Johnson: "A monkey fight. Yeah! You're trying to do do everything to throw me out of happiness and I don't approve of it. Nothing is ever going to hurt my spider monkey, let alone another spider monkey own by you. Good luck, asshole!"
Davidson: "Never thought about it like that, Marcus... but no, I don't want a spider monkey to have a fight with another one. Sweet idea, I know, but it's not happening. I want to have a spider monkey for the biggest and best idea in the whole world. Only somebody like me could think of something like this, and yes Marcus, it'll shock you once you fight out why I want a spider monkey. It'll frustrate you, make you sick to your stomach. Oh, boy. Hahaha. I want a spider monkey... to... make you JEALOUS!"
Marcus Johnson: "...What? No, you couldn't be. Davidson, I swear! If you get a spider monkey-"
Click. Davidson hangs up.
Strolling on, Davidson struts past a group of college girls who are impressed with him. Slightly. He rubs the stubble on his chin and points at them, then continues walking through the mall to find something cool. Given, he won't even find a spider monkey for sale here in Texas, but there's ways around that.
There always is.